Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa… STOP EVERYTHING!
Put down the makeshiftSurvivorbaseball bat, Sam.
Stop sketching complex strategic formulas into the sand, Andy.
Jeff Probst, Kyle Ostwald, Teeny Chirichillo, Andy Rueda, Sue Smey, and Sol Yi on ‘Survivor 47’.Robert Voets/CBS
Cease all FYC award season campaigning for your Oscar-worthy acting performance at Tribal Council, Sol.
Because somethin aint right, and Im not referring toRomes goofy-ass hat either.
You all know what I am talking about.
The cast of ‘Survivor 47’.Robert Voets/CBS
The only thingSurvivornerds like you and I are geekier about than watchingSurvivoris our dumbSurvivorstats.
And the dumber the better.
What is the longest a contestant has held onto an idol without playing it?
Sam Phalen and Andy Rueda on ‘Survivor 47’.Robert Voets/CBS
Who has lived the most days on the island without making an aqua dump?
Robert Voets/CBS
But nothing getsSurvivornerds salivating more than individual immunity stats.
Who has the most wins?
The cast of ‘Survivor 47’.Robert Voets/CBS
Who has the most wins by gender?
Who has the most wins by age group?
All that stupid stuff!
Rachel LaMont, Sue Smey, Gabe Ortis, and Caroline Vidmar on ‘Survivor 47’.Robert Voets/CBS
Its oddly infuriating, and yet I have no solution.
I would have gone for my own individual immunity win, even if it was in spirit only.
And I would have demanded my own badass bat necklace as well.
‘Survivor 47’ contestant Caroline Vidmar.Robert Voets/CBS
I mean, why the hell does Kyle get to sport that Fijian bling and I dont?
Thats some serious BS right there.
Man, Sam just cannot catch a break.
Tiyana Hallums on ‘Survivor 47’.Robert Voets/CBS
My bad on that.
But the joining extended all the way through to the morning.
(Again, way more sexual than I intended.)
Are either of these new alliances actually real?
They also, however, would not be able to vote at Tribal Council.
Everyone on the losing team, except the final person to drop from that side, would be vulnerable.
So how do we feel about it?
Its complicated, right?
Hell, it played out just last week!
I didnt realize Senator Slobberpuss was running for reelection in 2024.
(Thankfully, the camera cut away before Sol made it to second base.)
Clearly, producers wanted the advantage to be found and put in play.
The big dramatic payoff of Rachel stalking out of Tribal Council depended on it.
So what would they have done if Sol hadnotfound it?
Made Sams baseball game go into extra innings until it was discovered?
Pushed Tribal Council a night later until the damn thing was found?
Moved the advantage on top of the spoon in anticipation of Sols next booty call?
And he could do so anonymously.
However, I am surprised he kept it completely secret.
But this was completely different.
The advantage was expiring in a few hours and could not even be used by Sol himself.
Again, a perfect opportunity to build some social bonds out there.
Maybe he told the spoon about it.
Tiyana was certainly game.
Shes had it out for Gabe pretty much since day one.
She says its not personal, but there clearly has been a disconnect between those two players.
Thats such a smart take.
If Caroline could just survive one or two Tuku purge votes, she would likely be sitting pretty again.
Im truly fascinated by Caroline.
We havent seen her a ton this season, but she clearly isconstantlythinking about the game.
and strutted out of Tribal Council.
(Gabe even told Kyle Sue will do whatever we f—ing want.)
So the only conversation that mattered in that entire live Tribal was the one between Kyle and Caroline.
I feel like Gabe is a bigger hit.
He may have been right, but that would mean Caroline breaking her pact with Sue.
Plus, leaving Gabe in the game provided another shield moving into tomorrow.
The level of distress on Carolines face told us exactly what she was about to do.
But the emotional turmoil was only beginning.
After seeing her name come up unanimously, Tiyana was truly shocked.
Caroline didnt look much better, unable to even rise as the others started leaving Tribal Council.
You had to feel for Tiyana.
Or at least I did.
But the game before which we spoke was notSurvivor 47, it wasSurvivor 45.
She didnt, and she had to wait another year for the chance.
She finally got in, and then goes out on a fluky advantage one spot before the Jury.
Just gold star, A+ money television, each and every week.
May the contestant misery continue!
We also have plenty of other goodies for you.
Goodies like anexclusive deleted sceneshowing a fear of the girls alliance.
Goodies like Jeff Probst explaininghow he tallies the votes.
And goodies like an exit interview with thedearly departed Tiyana.
Check it all out at your leisure.
Yeah, I said it.
