Hola, rose lovers, y bienvenidos a la semana de Fantasy Suites!
(Not sure if my Espanol was correct there, but you get it.)
Rachel says she still has a little PTSD from the Fantasy Suites fiasco (finasco?)
screaming noises.ABC
with Clayton, so part of her is “dreading” this Bachelorette milestone.
I really thought she was feeling him from day one.)
(Man, if only there had been some way he could have foreseen this circumstance!)
Mmmm… eggs.ABC
(Did anyone else wince at the LOUD SCRATCHING NOISE Erich’s whiskers made?
It was like the opposite of ASMR.)
“I think I’m too scared,” she frets.
Aven and Rachel.ABC
“you’ve got the option to do it!”
And as you see from the GIF above he was right.
Cue the smooches and the triumphant instrumental music!
Tino shares his tale of woe with Jesse Palmer.ABC
“And honestly, that’s what I want in my husband.”
“I did a lot of growing up on my own,” she explains.
Do we think this is the first time Gabby’s given Erich this much detail about her home life?
This date is going well.ABC
Anyhow, Erich is appropriately supportive.
Ding ding ding!That’s the correct answer, sir.
Gabby says she feels like “the happiest person in the whole world.”
Rachel has that morning-after glow.ABC
You know what comes next, rose lovers:
The old-timey key gets me EVERY TIME.
What, are they staying inside of a haunted wardrobe?
One of the pantry cupboards in Downton Abbey?
Giddyup!.ABC
None of the above it’s a hotel room with a hot tub.
Cut to the next morning:
One the one hand, Erich’s feeling great.
“She is everything and more than I thought,” he says of Gabby.
Are you sure, Rachel?.ABC
“The reality is, it sucks that there are other relationships happening,” admits Erich.
Fair enough, bro.
The Bachelorette knows that Erich is struggling and urges him to have patience with the process.
Gabby and Johnny.ABC
“But I don’t know.”
They’re on a boat!
“After today, I really hope to be ready to take that step,” she says giddily.
Oh come ON, Jason.ABC
But first, it’s time for aJesse Palmer InterludeTM.
The host asks Tino how he’s holding up as he waits for his overnight date with Rachel.
Short answer:Not great, Bob!
That penmanship is… creepy.ABC
“The waiting game is just, like, gut-wrenching at times,” says Tino.
“It is trying my patience beyond anything I could have imagined.”
“I certainly don’t need to sleep with anybody else.”
Poor Gabby.ABC
Way to low-key slut-shame the woman you claim you want to marry!
Your needs are not the only needs that matter, Tino.
kindly shut your pie hole and take a seat.
And thus concludes thisJesse Palmer InterludeTM.
Meanwhile, back on the date, Rachel and Aven are enjoying a romantic dinner under the stars.
And by “enjoying,” I mean “totally ignoring the food and drinking champs instead.”
But she needs to know, can he realistically see himself getting engaged in two weeks?
Aven’s all,Yep!
“I’m 100 percent ready,” he says.
“But I definitely want it to be something that you feel as well.”
Well, you’re in luck, buddy!
I truly mean it!"
Of course, Aven LOVES it.
Cue the random fireworks and the requisite “making out on the bed” shot.
“Aven is the full package,” says Rachel, blushing and giggling simultaneously.
“The full package!”
Hoo boy, does Rachel look happy.
Aven is going to be a tough act to follow but follow him you must, Tino.
She’s also not looking forward to rehashing her hometown date fiasco (finasco?)
with Tino’s parents but she knows it must be done.
Perhaps… on horseback?
“There is just a little bit of general anxiety coming off of hometowns,” says Rachel.
In other words, LOVE IS LIKE A LEAP OF FAITH!
It never gets old, rose lovers.
“My one thing I wanted out of hometowns was acceptance,” she says.
“Can he honestly move forward with an engagement without that support [from his family]?”
Let’s head to dinner and find out.
It’s a hot and humid evening as Rachel and Tino sit down to dinner.
Tino keeps having to wipe sweat off his brow as the Bachelorette begins the uncomfortable conversation about his family.
“I just feel like they really did not like me,” she says.
“I know they’re going to come around, end of story,” he insists.
“I know it’s not going to be overnight…
There’s just no reality here where they don’t get on board.”
“My heart’s a little bit in my throat saying this but…
I love you, Rachel.”
Ding ding ding!Another correct answer from aBachelorettefinalist.
And now Rachel has something to share.
All righty, then!
Game over, I guess?
“They better,” she adds, “because I really do see Tino at the end.”
Cover your ears, Zach and Aven!
“Whenever I’m with Johnny, it is so easy and effortless,” reports Gabby.
“I’m so hopeful about a future with him.”
Okay that’s more of a statement.
But Johnny knows that the implied end of that sentence is, “Can you say the same?”
“I feel like we want to different things,” she tells Johnny.
They share an emotional goodbye hug before Gabby walks sadly back to the sailboat.
(Wait, how is Johnny going to get back to the hotel?)
We interrupt this recap for anotherJesse Palmer InterludeTM:
Oh boy.
Looks like Jason just realized he’s onThe Bachelorette.
“But I have strong feelings towards Gabby, and hopefully it turns into something real after this.”
Yeah, so an engagement is not on the table.
In fact, it’s so far off the table it’s not even in the house.
Maybe try checking behind the toolshed out back?
Thus ends thisJesse Palmer InterludeTM.
But there’s nobody standing outside.
Just this all-caps note:
No, it’s not a serial killer it’s Erich!
For the love of all that’s holy.
Dude, YOU LITERALLY SIGNED A CONTRACT AGREEING TO APPEAR ON THIS SHOW.
If you regret any aspect of it, that’s on you not on Gabby.
The Bachelorette’s reaction, while less shouty than mine, is definitely one of annoyance.
“We talked about this off-camera,” says Gabby, frustrated to the point of tears.
“I feel like we were able to have an honest conversation about it in Fantasy Suites.
So, you brought me here to tell me it again?”
More importantly, Gabby knows it.
Damn right, queen!
Shut this man and his mopey antics down!
Erich continues to deflect and backtrack, insisting that he just wanted Gabby to know how he feels.
“I feel like he was testing me,” says Gabby with a sigh.
“And that’s not something you do to someone that you love.
Maybe he’s not my guy after all.”
Awww, she’s so sad!
Hang in there, Gabby.
Was Erich out of line with his post-date visit to Gabby?
And didyouknow iguanas like pineapple?
Post your thoughts below!
