We made it through four hours ofThe Bachelorette and we’re down to the final two men.
Fade in on the Tealight Candle Thunderdome.
After the crowd simmers down, Palmer introduces the men several of whom have made CHOICES with their jewelry.
Sam M. and Aaron on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
ABC
I guess Sam M. has to head out to Mordor after this.
This is probably the end for me, he says in his voiceover.
Jenn will be the judge of that, sir.
Devin spits out his feelings on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Lets listen in to their convo.
Im just in a weird headspace with my feelings, he says.
I havent been the priority in so many of my relationships…
Devin comforts Jonathon on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
I feel like Im the safe option for you because I am the way I am.
I feel like Im wanted here but I dont feel like Im needed here, and that scares me.
Because I risked everything for you.
Jonathon on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
My feelings, my sanity.
Jenn listens, her face registering various levels of concern.
When she speaks, she apologizes to Devin for not reassuring him.
Brett feels the love on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
I dont know how to be in a healthy relationship, she admits, choking up.
I want to do that for you…
I dont know what I would do if you werent here.
Noah and Abigail on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Girl, just say I love you!
Its ok to say it to two finalists just askBen Higgins!
Welp, all thats left now is for Jonathon to be sent home.
Sam M. smirks in the hot seat on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Clearly, the odd one out is getting the boot.
Rose ceremony roll call!
And our final two are… Devin and Marcus, of course.
Jesse Palmer invites Jonathon to Paradise on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
They each hug Jonathon goodbye, and Marcus whispers a few extra words of support.
Okay, thats pretty sweet.
If ABC hadnt alreadynamed Grant the Bachelor, Id be in full #TeamJonathon mode right now.
Jenn greets her men on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Ooof, poor guy.
That said, its highly unlikely that Mr. Jonathon Johnson is going to be single for long.
In any case, its time to welcome him to the Tealight Candle Thunderdome!
Jenn chews out Sam M. on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Looking good, sir.
Brett, Bachelor Nations big, burly sweetheart.
The big old lovebug handles it with class and humor: I do not do foot content yet.
Why does this man have a horse head on ‘The Bachelorette’?.ABC
GET THIS MAN ON PARADISE, STAT!
Ugh, I am so sick of all these guys.
Hell yeah, Hakeem.
Best caption ever on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
I second that WHAT?
Speaking of the better Erb…
Even he thinks Aaron acted like a d-bag.
A spider handler torments Hakeem on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
I dont think anybody should tell somebody that they are or arent read.
PREACH, better Erb!
Have you ever seenMean Girls?
That was like Sam and Devin.
Clearly, Jeremy has studied the Bachelor Nation fandom we do love aMean Girlsmeme.
Nice work, sir.
Can we be done with this guy now?
Of course, Sam M. gets a whole hot seat segment.
Gross, but inevitable.
Audience, are you buying it?
I didnt think so.
But Sam insists that hes in full Learn and Grow mode.
erase the couch its time for Jonathon to take the hot seat.
Jonathon is headed to Paradise in 2025.
Thank you, reality TV gods.
the next Bachelor shows up next.
Hes grateful and excited for his journey.
See you in January, bro.
Lets get the woman of the (two) hour(s) out here.
Jonathon compliments Jenns dress and then thanks her for helping him grow as a person, or whatever.
You have such a big, big heart, raves the Bachelorette.
And Im happy to have crossed paths with you.
But Id much rather hear from Jenn about the guys who annoyed her like Thomas N., for example.
Jenn is still irked that hepulled Devin aside to yell at him in week 2.
That was on me.
Now for the good stuff: Jenn Tran is ready to GO OFF on Sam M. Cue the split-screen!
Read him to filth!
Youre a grown man!
The crowd LOVES it.
This denial is not going to work for anybody, she says.
I definitely lost myself in some of those moments, he says.
I wish I could go back and redo them, truthfully.
Sure Jan dot gif.
Somehow, the two hours are not over yet.
Also love ABC randomly giving Charity and Dotun a trip to Greece.
That is the stuff of nightmares.
Can we do bloopers now?
Come on, random guy!
Jer-bear may not be the best nickname, but its not vomit-on-the-street bad.
How are there still 10 minutes left in this episode???
Is it me, or have we been watchingThe Bachelorettenon-stop for the last week and a half?
Thats the good news.
only to torment him with an EVEN BIGGER spider.
Nah, Im not doing this for no reason!
Of course, Team Bachelorette is not going to take no for an answer.
The guys start chanting Hakeems name, and Jenn urges him to do it for yourself.
Okay, this sweet man has more than earned a spot in Paradise.
Next summer cannot come soon enough.
Finally, we come to the end featuring a long preview of Jenns shocking finale.
Welp, rose lovers, how are you feeling about the final two?
And do you want to see Brett onParadise?
Let me know your thoughts on Twitter@KristenGBaldwinor on Bluesky at@kristengbaldwin.bsky.social.
The Bachelorettefinale airs Tuesday, Sept. 3, at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
