A raunchy group date activity sends Sarah into a neediness spiral.
Holy whiplash, rose lovers!
Sarah’s edit onThe Bachelorhas really taken us on a “journey” this season.
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After a cold open featuring an asinine moment from Matt and Serena P.’s date Get it?
Because their kiss was interrupted by a donkey???
we get back to the rose ceremony drama from last week.
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“I’m blacking out.
Like, I can’t see,” murmurs Sarah, huddled behind the couch.
“And now she’s having, like, this really pure and intense moment with Matt.”
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Adds Victoria, “This isThe Bachelor, notThe Sarah Show but Sarah didn’t get that memo.”
(Oh honey, the pot called to let you know… you’re black!)
Anyhow, let’s finish up the rose ceremony roll call.
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Also saying goodbye tonight: Alana, Sydney, Kristin, and Illeana.
I was almost able to remember your names withoutlooking them up here.
What a fun, not-at-all obnoxious theme for everyone to enjoy.
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Just a quick question: What is Matt wearing?
Is he auditioning for a remake ofThe Brady Bunch Movie?
Or is this fashion?
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I truly have no idea.
I’ve got to give it to producers the introduction to the group date activity is kind of brilliant.
(Perhaps TeamBachelorgot the idea fromthis video, which Harrison shot for Yahoo!
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Entertainment when I was the editor in 2016.)
“This is going to be so brutal,” she moans.
Is it hot in here, rose lovers?
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Welp, it’s time for the “ladies” to do their thing.
(Can groins flutter?
Don’t answer that.)
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Plus, she ends her performance by simulating a loud and boisterous orgasm.
The other women are, in a word, shooketh.
And it’s only gonna get raunchier.
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By that, I mean, it’s Victoria’s turn.
(I’ll admit, “He screamed, ‘Yes, Queen!'”
was pretty funny.)
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In general, the “ladies” seem to have a good time.
“My cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing so hard,” says Rachael when the readings are over.
“That was such a fun group date.”
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Oh, did I say the women had fun?
Sarah continues stewing in her feelings of jealousy and insecurity even after the date is over.
(Congrats, Serena P. the next one-on-one is yours.)
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People are going to keep getting dates, you know?"
Uh-oh, rose lovers.
Sarah’s on the move.
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She’s… yep, she’s about to crash the post-group date cocktail party.
This is sure to go well.
Sarah barges right in and interrupts Matt’s conversation with Katie.
Back in the holding pen, the “ladies” are irritated.
“It’s disrespectful,” whiles Victoria.
“It’s incredibly annoying,” adds Khaylah.
Katie agrees, and so she decides to walk back in there and reclaim her time with Matt.
“Are you guys done?”
she says, addressing Sarah directly.
“Can I get my time back?”
Sarah asks for five more minutes, so Katie goes to wait it out about 10 feet away.
It’s unclear how long Sarah and Matt have been talking when Katie interrupts her interrupter a second time.
When Matt doesn’t take charge and end the conversation comeon, bro!
Katie just sits right down on the couch next to them.
You know what, rose lovers?
I absolutely respect that flex.
“There was just, like, something weighing on my heart,” she explains.
Do the women accept her apology?
Let’s go to the videotape.
Survey says: Hell to the no.
“The damage is already done,” replies Kaylah.
“Couldn’t you have said this at another time?”
“Chris Harrison said everyone’s getting time this week,” Serena C. reminds Sarah.
So yeah, the apology does not go over well, and Sarah leaves in tears.
Oh look, now Katie’s here.
“I’m annoyed, I’m exhausted, I’m pissed off,” Katie huffs.
Now that Sarah’s gone, everyone can enjoy the rest of the evening, right?
On to perkier pastures.
Serena P., like slather on somebutter glossand report to the living room.
It’s time for your one-on-one date.
“She’s not here,” the women tell him.
“We haven’t seen her.”
The Bachelorsneverlisten to me, rose lovers.
He says it would be a “tragedy” if she left early, because their connection is real.
“I will continue to remind you how much I care about you,” he says.
“I have real feelings for you.”
And Sarah LOVES it.
“That was so sweet and so comforting,” she coos.
“This relationship is really real.”
“It’s been way too long,” snipes Jessenia, rolling her eyes.
“I’m gonna smell like donkey after this!”
Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself.
Matt and Serena P. begin with a bit of horseback riding through Nemacolin’s bucolic grounds.
After all, how many parents would actuallywanttheir child to compete for a spouse on television?
(ExceptBarb, of course.)
How is a pet turtle weird?
Obviously, Serena has never readTales of a Fourth Grade Nothing.
“I thought he was going to be it,” she says.
“I was wrong, and the breakup was one of the lowest points of my life.”
“I was only looking to date somebody if I was gonna marry them,” he explains.
And here’s another fun fact about our Bachelor: He’s never been in love before.
But hey, there’s a first time for everything and why not do it on TV?
That aside, Matt and Serena seem to have a flirty, giddy chemistry.
He thinks her energy is “infectious”; she thinks he’s someone shecouldfall in love with.
You know where this is going, rose lovers.
It’s the third date card of the week at the door!
The “ladies” are all gathered in the sitting room as instructed all but Sarah.
But lo, just as Rachael is about to read the date card, who sneaks in but Sarah.
“Can I squeeze in?”
she whispers, taking her place on the couch.
MJ, for one, is not about to let Sarah’s absence slide.
“We didn’t know where you were!
And after what’s gone on, Sarah, I was worried about you,” she says angrily.
“And I don’t know how to feel right now.”
“And I wanted to talk to him about that.”
(Can you imagine being the person who pissed off sweet-as-pieAbigail?
What are you whining about?
Was Sarah being needy and a little annoying?
Did the women have the right to share their frustrations with her?
But did things need to go from “airing of grievances” to “flat-out mean girl bullying”?
No, no they did not.
“I just feel so, like, emotionally beat up,” sniffles Sarah.
She wants Sarah to know that she did not like how the women treated her last night.
“For me, that was hard to watch,” she says.
“I did not like that at all.”
Still, Sarah has her mind made up: “I’ve decided I’m going to leave.”
It’s not just that the women were mean to her, she says.
“I haven’t really opened up to you about the situation with my dad,” says Sarah.
“He has a terminal illness.”
Being away from him right now when he may just have weeks to live is just too hard.
Hearing this, Katie begins to cry.
Knowing what Sarah’s going through “changes everything,” she says.
Awwww, give her a hug already!
See, rose lovers?
I wonder how things are going with Sarah and Matt right now.
“I just don’t think I’m ready for this.”
The Bachelor is disappointed but understanding.
“When you’re ready, some guy is gonna be extremely lucky,” he says.
With that, Matt walks Sarah to the Escape SUV and sends her off with a hug.
Then he stares pensively into the distance, perhaps trying to remember how many potential wives he has left.
Pssst… buddy: It’s 18.
You have 18 women left for now.
Before you sign off, rose lovers, let me know your thoughts.
Do you think Sarah will come back?
(I hope not, for the sake of her mental health.)
Are Matt and Serena P. a good fit?
And why is this the first time we got to see a Bachelor or Bachelorette with hiccups?
(These people drink champagne all the time!)
Post your thoughts below, and I’ll see you back here next week.
The Bachelorairs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC
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