ABC
This week onThe Bachelor, the dates began and so did the can I steal him drama.
Once everyones got a nice morning buzz on, hostJesse Palmerwalks in with the first group date card.
Are producersreallygoing straight for the basketball date?
Chloie, Beverly, Natalie, Zoe, and Parisa on ‘The Bachelor’.Credit:ABC
Isnt that a littletooon the nose?
Way to keep it creative, Team Bachelor!
Lets take a moment to appreciate Vickys face when she saw the kids come running in.
The women make a toast on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
Good try faking that enthusiasm, honey!
The ladies do NOT love it and neither does Journey, our pint-sized coach.
She should be disqualified!
Grant and his dates hit the b-ball court on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
announces another little girl.
Totes agree, maam.
(Im sorry, a letterman jacket?
Vicky pretends to like kids on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
Is it 1956 or something?)
Sure, these women cant really hoop, but they are leaving it all out on the court.
And by all, I mean their nails.
Journey (center) throws a side-eye on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
I lost three nails!
moans Zoe at halftime.
Shes not alone: Half of my team is missing nails, says Vicky.
A fake nail on the basketball court on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
This is not a basketball game anymore this is war.
Things got physical because of Zoe, complains Alli Jo.
If youre gonna push me, Im gonna push back.
Chloie kisses Grant on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
Chloie also gets the first sit-down with Grant at the afterparty.
He praises her radiance and mean layup, and they smooch again.
Back in the holding pen, Alli Jo goes straight in on Zoe for stealing Grant at the gym.
Zoe has no regrets on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
(Sarafeina and Beverly concur with a simultaneous, Yeah!)
Zoe is defiant, saying she wont apologize for her bold move.
(Whats up with all these phones being allowed in?
Zoe looms over Alli Jo and Grant on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
I assume theyre just bricked production iPhones that have no internet access.)
Do you want kids?
The man never stops talking about how he wants to be a father!
Natalie wins the date rose on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
Natalie may be good with kids, but shes apparently not a great listener.
Im sorry… whats going on right now?
Is Grant giving Juliana an oily hand massage because she broke a nail?
Grant greets Zoe at the Beverly Center on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
Yes, he is.
Juliana does NOT love it, of course, but she reluctantly gets up to leave.
I can help you for sure with that, says the Bachelor, and then they smooch.
Grant and Zoe make a giant sundae on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
And thats exactly when production sends Alli Jo upstairs to interrupt.
Zoe tries to put her off for two minutes, but Alli Jo is having none of it.
She physically pulls Grant from Zoes clutches and takes him to a couch that is like 15 feet away.
Grant loves to sing. (‘The Bachelor’).ABC
Fortunately, Alli Jo doesnt spend her time with Grant complaining about Zoe.
Naturally, this whole kerfuffle leads to a confrontation when Zoe gets back to the holding pen.
What is your problem?
Carolina straddles Grant on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
Alli Jo barks at her.
Zoe chooses not to respond, which only makes Alli Jo angrier.
And the winner is…
Congrats, Natalie!
Litia wins the group date rose on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
Now everybody go back to the mansion, climb into your tragic bunk beds, and get over it.
Theres a piano in one of the stores and we know the Bachelor will take any opportunity to sing.
As it usually does, the conversation turns to family.
Ella reads Grant her letter on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
I didnt have a traditional family, Alexe explains.
She didnt see her dad for 17 years, and her grandparents raised her.
Group date number two is a similarly casual affair.
Ella breaks down at the rose ceremony on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
Litia, for one, is freaked out.
Its all of my worst fears one after the other, she says.
Were performing, and were singing.
Never heard of her.
Now, strap on those shiny tank tops and mile-high stilettos its time to hit the stage!
Grant wants to sing first?
Of course he does.
Maybe this guy should have signed up forAmerican Idolinstead ofThe Bachelor.
With that, the Bach Street Girls begin their performance.
Each woman gets a moment to belt out their verse and bust a few moves.
Everyone gives it their level best.
Bailey does the splits, Litia sits on Grants lap, and Carolina serenades the Bachelor in Spanish.
But in the end, its Carolina who wins the sing-off.
Welp, I guess we know she doesnt have performance anxiety.
The other women do NOT love it, and poor Rose is so upset she starts crying.
Buck up, little camper!
Theres always the afterparty.
The mood is still a little tense when Grant shows up for the cocktail party.
I got a weird vibe, a weird energy, the Bachelor notes.
Grants a people pleaser, and he wants everyone to feel good.
Feeling bad for their situation kind of puts a damper on my happiness, she says with a sigh.
Oh great, now Carolinas crying!
Things arent going to get any easier for Grant during his chat with Litia.
As a matter of fact, sir, Litia says she hears no all the time.
And now Litias crying!
Im sick of dating, she says tearfully.
Grant apologizes for his glib comment on night one, and thanks her for her honesty.
Miraculously, Carolina doesnotcry during her one-on-one time with Grant.
The final cocktail party of the week begins with giving a toast, essentially, to emotional availability.
And after all, the women are more focused on the Bachelors other statement, about emotional availability.
The absolutely LOVE it.
Bailey goes next, and she cries to the Bachelor about how hard it is to be vulnerable.
He tries to comfort her, but shes so nervous she just keeps talking.
(Politely, I might add.)
And thus, heading into the rose ceremony, Bailey is left to wonder if shell be sent home.
I feel like a lot of people have received way more validation than I have, she laments.
Tink tink tink!In walks Palmer with his Butter Knife of Bad NewsTM.
The cocktail party is over.
Line up ladies, and lets do this rose ceremony roll call!
There, there, Ella.
You’re not really upset about this man you’ve known for approximately three days.
You’re just sleep-deprived and generally overstimulated.
Go home and get a good night’s sleep, and things will look much better in the morning.
To be honest, rose lovers, I’m a little surprised Grant sent Allyshia home.
Now that week two is under our belts, who are you rooting for?
Who do you love to hate?
And for God’s sake, why is everyone wearing so much glitter???
Post your thoughts below!
The Bachelorairs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
