This week, Joan and her final three men head to Tahiti for overnight dates minus the sex.
Scroll to the bottom and look if you dont believe me!
Now, back to the episode.
The Star Breeze, Joan’s home away from home on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Joans journey picks up on Moorea, an unsurprisingly beautiful island in Tahiti.
It is the most beautiful ship I have ever been on!
It might also be the only cruise ship shes ever been on, but well never know.
Nancy joins Joan on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
ABC
(Side note: Are you guys watchingDoctor Odyssey?
Its terrible, but I love it.)
If she was the Golden Bachelorette, I would be thrilled, she told me.
Joan swims with literal sharks on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
she replied, her eyes welling up.
It was honestly the sweetest thing.
Heres hoping Nancy finds her Mr.
Joan has some Fantasy Suite ground rules on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Right soon if she hasnt already.
Anyhow, the first date of the week goes to Guy.
(Sorry, Mark.)
Guy gets the key to the Fantasy Suite on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Guy gets choked up as he tells Joan that his kids and his sisters adored her.
They smooch a bit, and then its time to explore that ridiculously turquoise ocean.
Im sorry, are those sharks?
Joan and Chock enjoy a ride in an ATV on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
How the hell are producers putting our Golden Bachelorette in the water with literal sharks?
One of those thingskilled Steve Irwin, you guys!
Meanwhile, back on land, Chock is having a heart-to-heart with our fearless host,Jesse Palmer.
Chock lets his feelings be known on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Im in love with her, says Chock.
Its scary, Jesse… And Guy and Pascal, they bring a lot.
Ive got tough competition.
Chock and Joan lock lips on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Its either going to be an engagement, or Ill get my heart broken, he predicts.
By the time she gets to dinner, Joan feels like shes made a lot of progress with Guy.
Hes certainly as strong as other connections now, she says.
Jesse Palmer and Pascal on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
It was so easy, he marvels.
And we even have this evening!
Joans all, Oh yeah, the overnight dates!
Pascal and Joan experience a bonding ceremony on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Im so glad you brought those up!
Im going to save that for when I have my final person.
Guy says he completely respects her decision.
Joan and Pascal are bonded on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
So far, youre thinking the way Im thinking, he says.
Whats more important to me right now is the emotional intimacy.
With that, Joan hands Guy the Fantasy Suite card.
Pascal ends things with Joan on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
But this time the wording is a little different.
But hey, at least the ridiculous, old-timey key is the same!
Hear that, Chock?
CHARLES!!!! (‘The Golden Bachelorette’).ABC
You dont have this in the bag yet.
Now, strap into that ATV and take Joan for fun, moderately paced spin!
Why is this show trying to kill our Golden grandma??
But Joan LOVES it.
Today, I loved going fast in the ATV with Chock!
He wants to have fun.
He likes making memories.
He like doing epic things, which is exactly what I want.
Once their thrill ride is over, Joan and Chock stop for a sunset picnic.
This man is all in.
Perhaps shell find out at dinner, where Chock knows he is contractually obligated to Open UpTM even more.
Ooh, that sounds encouraging.
Okay, Chock take the baton and run with it!
Theres never been any doubt.
Im overconfident but thats who I am.
I dont want to be cocky, but Ive felt that we were the right couple from day one.
Well, at least the guy is (semi) self-aware.
You cared about me and my family, he says.
I didnt want you to leave without you knowing that I said I was falling in love with you.
Chock makes me feel seen, she says.
And I have complete confidence that hell never hurt me.
Ugh, Im not sure I share that confidence, rose lovers do you?
But heres hoping, I guess.
Joan, Im perfectly okay with that, says Chock.
Then she kicks the cameras out, LOL.
Once again I say, get it you sexy grandma!
The next morning, Chock is all smiles.
The evening was great, he says.
We had champagne, we had a big, comfy couch, and I had Joan.
Hmmmm… a big couch, you say?
Big enough for some hanky-panky?
A producer tries to dig for more information, but Chock refuses to kiss and tell.
What did we do?
Thats between Joan and myself, he says with a chuckle.
We had a great time.
The final overnight date goes to Pascal.
Joan really likes the guy, and shes holding out hope that hes ready for a real relationship.
So, I have a lot more confidence about where we could be at the end of this week.
Before he meets Joan, however, Pascal has a sit-down with theBachelorfranchises resident therapist.
Ill be very honest with you.
I was very much in love with a woman about a year ago.
I was almost engaged, Pascal tells the host.
We had two years of a wonderful experience, and then things start changing.
I want to move on, but Im having a tough time, Pascal admits.
Im at the stage where Im trying to rebuild…
Deep down, I am hurting.
Ugh, now poor Pascal is getting emotional, talking about his f—ed-up background and difficult childhood.
And when you have nobody who is there for you, youve gotta survive.
Oh my GOD, this is killing me.
I hate to see this darling diva cry!
Palmer does, too.
The Pascal I know is very kind, he says gently.
And he loves his children.
Yeah, he does!
Their conversation ens with a warm hug.
Sorry, rose lovers, I need a minute to collect myself.
Okay, Im back.
Im excited to spend the day with Joan, he says, as he prepares for their date.
A Tahitian bonding ceremony!
One that looks and feels a whole lot like a wedding!
Because thats just how these demonic producers roll.
Of course, things didnt start off so intense.
(Survey says: Thats a cock!)
From there, they must state out loud the feelings and burdens they want to release.
Oh, boy now the priest is bonding their hands with a rope made of woven leaves.
I told you this felt like a wedding!
And as the ceremony goes on, its pretty clear that Pascal is starting to feel uncomfortable.
Im a little confused, he admits.
This is not what I thought wed be doing today…
I thought Id have something more casual.
Something more like being silly, being kids again.
Not something where we have to talk about our feelings and emotions.
I wasnt ready for that.
In that moment, Pascal has an epiphany.
Im not ready for that.
Im not ready, he says.
Im Im not ready.
That night, Pascal boards the Star Breeze for his dinner with Joan.
The ceremony, he admits, freaked me out.
He knows he has to have a hard conversation with Joan, and naturally, hes dreading it.
Lets just get this over with, rose lovers.
Let me have a deep conversation with you, he begins.
Pascal tells Joan about being hurt big-time after breaking up with his ex last year.
Then his daughter signed him up forThe Golden Bachelorette, and he was happy to give it a go.
To be honest with you, I thought I wouldnt last that long, he continues.
Why am I here?
I care very much about you and the last thing I want to do is to hurt you.
And I just dont think that I could get to the place where you want me to be.
Poor Joan does NOT love it.
Okay, she says, after a fraught pause.
I dont want a broken heart at the end of this.
If youre not ready, thats one thing.
If youre never going to be ready, thats another thing.
Alas, its the latter.
I care about you as a friend, says Pascal.
But Im not in love…
I need that spark, and I just dont have it.
I just Im sorry.
The guy says hes damaged goods, which is just heartbreaking.
Speaking of heartbreak, Joan is pretty devastated.
Now I just want to go, she whispers to Pascal, sneaking a glance at the exit.
Im a phone call away from you, he whispers.
They exchange mutual I love yous it may not be romantic love, but its love!
and then Pascal makes his way off the ship.
I feel like a failure, Joan admits tearful.
My hope is, like, down to nothing.
Hang in there, glamma!
You ARE loveable, you will NOT leave here alone, and you WILL be okay.
Damn this stupid show for making me cry AGAIN!
Before you go, let me know your thoughts about this week.
Does Guy have a shot over Chock?
If Pascal had stayed, do you think Joan would have given him her final rose?
Let me know your thoughtsIN THE NEWLY REVIVED COMMENTS SECTION BELOW!
The Golden Bacheloretteairs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
