Its morning in the Bachelor mansion, and the men are tired.
Like, can barely keep their eyes open tired.
Theres so much yawning, youd think someone dosed their coffee with NyQuil.
Jordan, Kim, and Gary struggle to wake up on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
ABC
Oh my God, I wish I could justsleeeep!
Guys are tossing and turning and getting up to go pee, and then theres snoring.
As a result, everyones a little on edge specifically about Pascal.
Pascal preps on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Im a little bit high maintenance, admits Pascal.
I havent done any kind of cooking.
Its not for me.
Pascal and Joan hit the road on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
According to Gregg, Pascal wont even let him sleep in their room anymore because of his snoring problem.
WhenJesse Palmerarrives, the guys continue teasing Pascal, and he good-naturedly defends himself.
Ive got to make my breakfast?
Charles L. and Gary go shopping on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Welp, at least Pascal is self-aware.
And wouldnt you know it, the first one-on-one of the week goes to…
Felicitations, Pascal!
Im honored, Im flattered, he says.
Wayne Newton serenades Joan and Pascal on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
As he reflects on the opportunity, Pascal starts to get emotional.
Being able to be vulnerable, its hard for me.
This is the greatest opportunity to see if we are a good match.
Charles L. confides in Guy on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Joan picks him up in a snazzy red sports car and she is not about to let Pascal drive.
Im in charge here!
she says with a laugh.
Jonathan cries on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
I do not want to hear about my driving!
I feel like I am inPretty Woman, says Pascal with a laugh.
Thats right, rose lovers The Golden Bacheloretteis an equal-opportunity objectifier!
Eric Dickerson, Andre Reed, and Joan Vassos on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Fortunately, the Frenchman ultimately chooses to wear a full suit midnight blue with black accents anda shirt.
Joan, meanwhile, is having a great time.
Pascals just really, really easy to be around, she says.
Quaker Oats invades ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
I cant stop smiling…
I feel like hes really interested in me.
We interrupt this recap for some breaking news.
Palmer enjoys some (promotional consideration provided by) oatmeal on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Charles L. and Gary have left the mansion.
I repeat, CHARLES L. AND GARY HAVE LEFT THE MANSION!
Oh boy, rose lovers.
Charles L. celebrates his victory on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
The next scene is a real gut-punch.
When she fell to the ground, she probably bit her tongue, Guy explains.
That had nothing to do with [the aneurysm].
Joan and Jordan on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
He encourages Charles L. to stop fixating on the why, because there was nothing anyone could have done.
Charles is grateful to Guy for his medical knowledge and more importantly, his empathy and support.
It is necessary to share your suffering, he says.
Joan and Charles L. take a stroll on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Oh my God, yall this show is RUTHLESS.
Lets go back to Paris before we all pass out from weeping.
At dinner, Pascal tells Joan about his difficult childhood, where money was always an issue.
Gary gets emotional on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
He and his family lived six in a room, two in a bed with no bathroom or shower.
No wonder the dude enjoys the finer things in life, right?
Thats some quality Opening UpTM right there.
Gil with the date rose on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Im emotional because I wanted to go on the group date, he explains through tears.
Because of the double-edged sword.
In other words, hes worried that he wont get a rose and will be sent home.
Guy bares all on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
The guys make a run at encourage him.
Shes going to see a wonderful guy, says Gregg.
Hes not wrong, sir!
Joan and Jonathan take a ride on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
give a shot to get a good nights sleep and everything will feel better in the morning.
But we all know what happens when you assume, rose lovers.
The men will be playing a game that involves kicking a ball, but there will be no tackling.
Jonathan and Joan toast on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Welcome toThe Golden BacheloretteQuaker Oats Kickbowl!
Okay, nowthisis product placement that makes sense.
For Petes sake, theres even an old dude on the box.
Joan gives Jonathan the date rose on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Even though this isnt tackle football, its still a very physical game, and injuries are inevitable.
So many people got hurt today, says CK.
With the game tied 2-2, its time for national treasure Charles L. to step up to the plate.
Joan shares her sadness with the guys on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
I hardly understand the rules of this game, he frets.
But the coach and team members say, Charles, just play!
And that, rose lovers, is what he does.
Joan and Charles L. hug on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
He is so proud, its almost too much to take.
We sure did, you absolute angel.
Now go enjoy a piping hot bowl of Quaker Oats!
Joan sits with Gerry on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
The cocktail party is literally at the athletic complex, which I appreciate.
Sometimes I blame myself, he explains.
So, I was so relieved…
Kim and Guy serenade Joan on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
It changed my life.
Oh my god, look at them walking back to the group.
I CANNOT TAKE IT!
Joan faces her men on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Joan is having fun getting to know the guys, but shes also a bit distracted.
Im doing my best to navigate it all, she says.
Gary tells Joan hell keep her mom in his prayers, and she thanks him for his positivity.
I love having you around, says the Golden Bachelorette.
OMG, guys, now Garys is crying!
Remember how the show saidit was going to further edit Gils already limited screen time?
Yeah, they werent really able to do that on this date.
Cut to:
Yep, he got the date rose.
Joan got all the guys massages, and Guy prefers to enjoy his commando.
You do you, sir!
Anyhow, its time for Jonathans one-on-one date with Joan.
A horse bit her years ago, so shes not really a fan.
But shes a good sport, and their ride proceeds without incident.
Oh boy, rose lovers.
Theres something going on back at the mansion.
I just dont want to sing the song, says Gary with a sigh.
Kim does NOT love this suggestion.
Beethoven wrote the Fifth Symphony himself, but a whole symphony performed it, he huffs.
It would sound like crap if Beethoven tried to do the whole thing himself.
Thats right, rose lovers, Kim just kinda compared himself to Beethoven and Im here for it.
Never change, you adorable grump!
Lets go back to the date.
Dang, that man is handsome.
She took a deep breath and said, I want a divorce, he recalls.
She said, Im not happy.
The Golden Bachelorette wants Jonathan to know that he is more than enough.
I like you enough that I wanted to take you on a one-on-one date, she says.
I hope you never, ever feel like youre not good enough again.
Hell yeah, Joan.
Now give that man the rose!
With that, Joan and Jonathan hop back on their horses and head back.
Those feelings are still with the Golden Bachelorette as she arrives for the cocktail party that night.
Being strong is exhausting, and Im tired.
People always ask, Are you 100 percent ready to have love in your life?
Im not really, to be honest with you… Dont worry, rose lovers.
Joan isnt giving up on her journey.
Shes just being extremely real about what a later-in-life love affair might look like.
There will always be a part of John in my heart, she says.
And I just think you all deserve to know that.
The men many of them who lost spouses themselves completely understand.
That was powerful, marvels Dan.
Adds Gary, Id say that we all just grew a lot closer to her in her vulnerability.
(Can you imagine something like this happening on the regular Bachelorette?
The men would all be tripping over themselves to blame each other for making the Bachelorette feel bad.)
Gary reads Joan a prayer that he wrote and had framed especially for her and her mom, Mary.
Ugh, these men are so sweet.
Why do any of them have to go home?
Actually, theres one man Id like to see get the boot and he just arrived.
Why is the Golden Bachelor back?
Fortunately, Gerry is not here to win Joan back.
He just wants to check in and see how her Golden Bachelorette journey is going.
Meanwhile, I would encourage Gerry to use a stronger SPF his sunburned cheeks are stressing me out!
With that, Gerry is gone.
And heres some more good news: Kim finally got someone to sing his song with him!
Its a sweet gesture, and it does life Joans spirits… just in time for more heartbreak.
Rose ceremony roll call!
Alas, that means we must say goodbye to CK, Gregg, and Captain Kim.
As he says farewell to Joan, Captain Kim whispers, I would like to be your friend.
We are, forever!
And if you think THAT isnt heartbreaking enough…
Somebody sedate me dot GIF!!!!!
Oh, my Lord, this show is going to send me to an early grave.
What an emotional week, rose lovers.
When youre done weeping into a pillow, kindly take a moment and consider a few questions.
Do you think Chock is the man to beat?
Were you surprised Pascal got a one-on-one?
And are you ready to join me in a Charles L. for Golden Bachelor campaign now?
Let me know your thoughts Twitter@KristenGBaldwinor on Bluesky at@kristengbaldwin.bsky.social.
The Golden Bacheloretteairs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC
