The first-ever Golden Bachelor Pickleball Tournament has arrived.
It was an action-packed week onThe Golden Bachelor.
Man,Jesse Palmersure looks different this week.
Trista Sutter arrives at the mansion.ABC
I kid, I kid.
That’s long-reigning queen of Bachelor Nation herself, the first-ever Bachelorette Trista Sutter!
The Golden women, some of whom clearly watched Trista’s season 20 years ago, are thrilled.
Ellen is PSYCHED.ABC
“That’s that beautiful girl that got me intoThe Bachelor!”
Remember how Kathy scolded Theresa multiple times last week for oversharing about her time with Gerry?
Yeah, that advice didn’t stick.
Joey hits the court on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
“She just can’t seem to find an off button,” sighs Kathy.
(Rose lovers, this is what’s known asforeshadowing.)
For now, though, it’s time to focus on the group date.
April takes a tumble on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
Your day has come!
Though some of the women don’t know theirDink Shots from their Dillballs Sandra’s right!
they’re all just excited to learn a game that Gerry loves.
Trista, Jesse, and Gerry watch the women make pickleball magic.ABC
And they won’t just be learning from the Golden Bachelor.
hey welcome… yourincoming Bachelor, Joey Graziadei!
The senior ladies are all aflutter.
Hot off the presses!.ABC
You hear that, producers?
Send Kathy to the mansion forThe Bachelorseason 28, you cowards!
The training montage set to Strauss' Blue Danube Waltz is sublime.
Gerry and Sandra are stymied by the iPhone.ABC
April tries to return a volley and then bonks herself in the nose with the pickleball.
Susan hits a ballwayyyyout of bounds and gets a “Good shot!”
We have a woman down!
Gerry is unhappy.ABC
“I think I hurt my ankle!”
“I wanted to do this so good for you,” she whispers pitifully.
“The good old mare, she ain’t what she used to be.”
Gerry gives Sandra the date rose.ABC
The other women watch with a tinge of jealousy; it’s clear that April isn’t seriously hurt.
In fact, by her own admission, she is “totally fine.”
Well done, ma’am!
Gerry rolls up on Leslie.ABC
(Don’t hate the player, hate the game, ladies.)
“OH MY GOD!”
If she doesn’t win this, she is going to be CRUSHED.
The ladies play Never Have I Ever.ABC
The team names are amazing.
(One of these names is not like the others, but let’s just go with it.)
“I want to point out that Sandra is playing with two artificial knees,” notes Jesse.
Susan takes another Never Have I Ever mouthful.ABC
“And she’s also missing her daughter’s wedding.”
Dang, that is commitment!
The final match, Ellen and Kathy versus Sandra and Nancy, is a real nail-biter.
Gerry gives Leslie the date rose.ABC
“It’s quite exciting,” says Gerry.
“There’s good, competitive volleys.
Momentum goes back and forth.”
Susan gets choked up on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
Ultimately, though, the win goes to the Picklelicious Paddles which makes sense.
Ellen plays pickleball four times a week, after all.
Gerry gives both Ellen and Kathy a smooch, and then they pose for their prestigious magazine photo shoot.
Gerry and Ellen.ABC
At the afterparty, Gerry asks Sandra about missing her daughter’s wedding.
“This is something my daughter and I discussed early on,” she explains.
“She said, ‘Mom, I’ve got my guy.
Nancy isn’t going to beat around the bush.ABC
I want you to go get yours.'”
Gerry is flattered, and he suggests they give Sandra’s daughter a call.
“I think you’re the best,” she says.
Group hug time 😭.ABC
Then the two of them spend a hilariously long time trying to figure out how to make FaceTime work.
“I think you hit this phone thingie?”
asks Sandra, pointing to the screen.
Sad Gerry hurts my heart.ABC
“No, maybe that right there…” It is beyond adorable.
Back in the waiting area, Theresa asks Kathy if they could go somewhere to talk.
“That makes me anxious.
That doesn’t work well for me.”
She reiterates how unwelcome it was last week when Theresa revealed that Gerry came to her bedroom.
It’s very frustrating to watch, and I understand why Kathy finally snaps.
That’s when things get a little weird.
“And I thought that she was my friend.”
Hold up, rose lovers.
What the hell is Theresa talking about here with this “You’re the one” business?
Just snip it!"
(Close enough, LOL.)
Rose lovers, Mr. Gerry Turner does NOT love it.
I was really hopingThe Golden Bachelorwould be a tattle-tale free zone.
But people are people no matter their age, I suppose.
Specifically, he’s wondering if she uttered the words “zip it”?
The Golden Bachelor isn’t convinced.
“I’m beginning to see a rift here that I’m really not happy about.”
With that, he ends the conversation.
Oh boy, Kathy.
It’s time for Gerry to hand out the date rose.
The way (most of) the other women seem genuinely thrilled for Sandra when she got the rose…
It just made my heart swell, rose lovers.
This week’s one-on-one goes to the Sexy Dancer herself, Leslie.
I’m sorry, what?
Producers are having the Golden Bachelor and his date ride ATVs?
After they almost killed him witha faulty convertible in week 2???
Not cool, folks.
Yes, I was.
The reveals are INCREDIBLE.
April has kissed another woman’s husband.
Sandra has had sex in the workplace.
(“My husband and I did it everywhere!”
says Sandra, who takes a bite of ice cream even though she’s lactose intolerant.)
Everyone except for Kathy has had sex in the back of a car.
“Who hasn’t done that?”
April takes it a step further: “Front seat, back seat, on the steering wheel.”
Survey says:
Get it, you sexy grandma!
These women are myheroes.
“I’m here because of you.”
And the Golden Bachelor LOVES it.
Also… what is the deal with the lion tattoo on Gerry’s right shoulder?
I have so many questions.
“This date with you on those ATVs was incredible,” says Gerry.
“No matter what, I will never forget it.”
Naturally, Leslie gets the date rose.
Rose ceremony day rolls around, and two of the women are hurting.
Sandra is in bed with an upset stomach (darn that ice cream!
), while Nancy is nursing a stress fracture on her left leg from pickleball.
Every minute counts, sir!
“Things are attributed to that key in of stone,” he explains.
“First off, empathy.
It’s those two qualities that I think you have that remind me so much of Toni.
That is the highest compliment I can pay someone.”
Susan is moved to tears.
Me too, Susan.
“Every time I talk to Gerry, that spark reignites,” she gushes.
They sit down on one of the outdoor couches and Ellen lays it all bare.
“I feel the need and the want to take a leap of faith and tell you…
I’m falling in love with you, Gerry, and it’s really hard.”
He cuts her off with a kiss.
“I feel it,” he says.
“I feel your emotion, and I’m in the same place.”
When I tell you my heart melted…
In his confessional, Gerry can’t hold back his tears.
And yet I am."
Someday, I’ll get through an episode of this show without crying.
Today is not that day, rose lovers.
“I think you’ve in a way narrowed it down,” she says.
“But maybe I’m not in that group.”
As gently as he can, Gerry tells Nancy that she’s not wrong.
They share a tearful hug, and then Nancy says goodbye to her bachelorette besties.
Welp, it’s time.
Rose ceremony roll call!
Ellen, Faith, Susan, and Theresa join Sandra and Leslie in the Circle of SafetyTM.
The woman is a total hoot.
“It’s been a great adventure.
No regrets,” she says.
“I’m so ready for love, and I know it’s not over for me.”
She absolutely needs to go to Paradise next summer she woulddestroythose 20-something men.
Gerry walks Kathy out to the Reject SUV and they wish each other all the best.
“Rejection’s not fun,” says Kathy.
“I mean, I might burn the house down before I leave…”
She’s kidding.
Holy cow, rose lovers.
One more episode, and then we’re at hometown dates.
Time flies when you’re watching lovable seniors look for love!
Do you think Ellen is the frontrunner, or could Leslie take the lead?
And is it just me, or does pickleball look pretty fun?
Let me know your thoughts on Twitter@KristenGBaldwin.
The Golden Bachelorairs Thursdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
